Hospital stays, harrowing week, hepatic lesions...

Well...this has been a harrowing week to say the least!!

It all started last Monday evening, I had this horrible abdominal pain.  As a nurse all the "itises" start running through your mind...typhlitis, apendicitis, etc... None of it seemed to be in the right spot and I had no fever so I thought I would wait because then you become paranoid that it's "just constipation" and then you really feel like a dork. After hours of  waiting and second guessing myself I wound up in the ED anyway. The cramping and distention and pain was pushing up into my lungs and I just couldn't breathe.  Since breathing trumps everything - the ED it would be.  I have to say that I have had to change my tune about St. Marks.  I think I say this every time I talk about them.  I had such a good experience. By the time I get back to my room and start to change, there is always a team of people that show up immediately between doctors, nurses and techs.  I got a chest xray which didn't look great and and abdominal CT scan - thank goodness just IV contrast and not the oral crap.
After waiting for the results they let me know that my CT looked pretty "normal." So I asked about my spleen wondering if my low platelets could be hiding out there.  They did say there was some spleen enlargement. When I asked about my liver they said, "well aside from the lesions, it looks normal too."  I said, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LESIONS?????" They proceeded to tell me that I have multiple lesions in my liver - and they thought that I already knew about them...like they had been there for a while. My scan last month had no liver lesions....


Long pause.


Longer pause.


How many is multiple?  Too many to count?  They told me multiple meant more than 4 and we should get an MRI to get a better look at this new soft tissue occurrence. Talk about a bummer.  Here I have found a chemo that seemed to work right away and because of my low platelets I haven't been able to get it and now I have "multiple lesions." In that moment I was so overwhelmed by too many emotions.  What do I have to do to keep this monster under control??? I was angry, depressed, livid, sad, worried, and I just wanted to scream.  It's too bad at the times you want to scream the most, it's the times you have to keep it together the most.  Dr. Litton didn't think we would have to deal with liver mets but obviously cancer has a mind of it's own - especially mine.

Trying to be brave but mostly just crying.

We got the MRI done and having too low of counts bought me a hospital stay for Red cells, platelets and a bunch of electrolytes, strong IV antibiotics and such a cute little pink telemetry pack. Please note the hint of sarcasm in my voice.  I hate pink and tele packs.  The only good thing was IV dilaudid because I finally was able to get some pain relief. What I thought was only going to be an overnight stay turned into 4 days of pain management, getting electrolytes under control, getting too much IV fluid, getting too much lasix and 2 wonderful nurses I was blessed enough to get back to back for most of my time there.  Serena and Emily were AMAZING!  I couldn't have made it through my stay without them. They were on time or early for everything and such great advocates for me with the doctors.  One day I could not breathe and my pain was so bad I thought I was going to go to the ICU and be intubated for sure.  That's when I meet this guy...

This is my pulmonologist Dr. Johnstun, or Dr. McSteamy - which ever you prefer. He looks better in real life - if you can believe that...even my mom thinks so. At first I wasn't very happy at whoever was my pulmonolgist because he ordered these:

If you have never seen these little red dots...you don't EVER want to see them.  They may look small and innocent but it involves a little test called an "arterial blood gas."  This means they need a sample of your blood from your artery instead of your vein like it usually is.  It is hard to get and painful.  Needless to say, they were never able to get the sample because my arteries are apparently harder to poke than my veins. And then this as well...

Super fashionable but effective

 I quickly forgave him because he was able to get my pain and breathing under control.  So....now I'm on lots and lots of steroids but I can breathe a little easier.  I was lucky enough to have some lovely little visitors come and see me which was nice because the days are long in the hospital.

Sweet Shannon

Lovely Lisa

The beautiful LeEtta and Dawn.

And this beautiful necklace from my sweet friend Stephanie in Washington:

So finally I was discharged on Friday and I was lucky enough to have my sister Robyn come up from AZ.  So of course this had to happen:

Oh frozen hot chocolate...how I love you!!

Since I've been home it's been a hard week of pain management and being able to breathe.  Even with steroids it's still very difficult. I've spent lots of time at the chiropractor - a special thank you to Dr. Crowley, Dr. Christensen and Dr. Mahoney for making life more livable.  Also to my sister who has rubbed countless pain relieving doTerra oils on my back trying to relieve the pain.

I don't really feel like talking about anything else today.  The new mets diagnosis has been devastating to me.  I see Dr. Litton tomorrow to see what we can do.  Even if I need platelets every other day I don't care...I need the chemo.  I hope we can figure something out. Something to give me more time.

Be Brave, my heart. Have Courage, my soul.
Tiffany