Taking a little break...sort of...

Well, I got a hefty dose of steroids today with my chemo, so it looks like I'm not sleeping tonight, so I will blog the goings on of the last couple of weeks.
 I needed a break...well, sort of a break - not taking a break from chemo, but something.  I needed a little change of scenery and felt a need to get out of Dodge.  Since I still needed chemo, I had to be a little creative or I'd always be stuck and not able to go anywhere. Since the kids are out of school and I'm a "professional patient" we have a chance to do some inexpensive, short road trips which we haven't had much opportunity to do.  Dylan wanted to go to EFY with his Arizona "squad" in Flagstaff for a week so I decided to stay with my sister for a couple weeks in Peoria.   It has been a great break and I've been able to get my chemo at my former job - the Mayo Clinic which has been a blessing.  So we packed up the car and headed South.

Packing it all up in our new addition to the top

Getting ready to get on the road

The dog has the most comfy spot in the car!

We stopped 1/2 way through in Kanab...had a little Mexican for dinner

We stopped over night in Kanab, visited the Best Friends Sanctuary where they have like 1700 animals that are available for adoption...dogs, cats, horses, bunnies - you name it, they have it.  I love that they are a no kill shelter.  If you pass through Kanab, I highly recommend you stop in there for a tour.

Monday morning we dropped Dylan off at NAU in Flagstaff for a week of fun with his friends, and we headed for Phoenix.  As we got out of the mountains where it was in the high 60's we encountered this...

That's right...111 degrees...ugh

The heat is something I have not missed and I find I don't tolerate it even more now that I'm back on chemo.  Good thing there is good AC and lots of fans going here!  I have been bad about taking pictures while I have been on vacation.  We have done a lot of relaxing, breathing, eating, movie watching, fun on the lake, Wet n Wild, and seeing friends...and of course 2 doses of chemo were thrown in.

Killing cancer one dose at a time!

My bestie from Mayo - Maureen "Mo" I pretty much thing she is my sister from another mister!!  Love her with my whole heart!!

Doughnuts Mo brought from Bosa

Always fun times when at my many many appointments....craziness is bound to set in.

Cheesecake factory after chemo...the best part of the day.

I swear we are twins separated by 3 years...we always end up ordering the same thing.

So Yummy!!

I was able to meet up with one of my coworker's from Mayo for a few mintues.  I'm so glad we were able to see each other - even if for just a few minutes.

Kimberly and I...we share so much in common - we had a instant bond when we met.  Love her so much!

Sorry to keep throwing these pictures in, but it is something that affects me daily and determines if I spend most of the day with my feet up and not walking on them, or if I can go out and try to be normal. And it's part of my documentation of my treatment, so you get to see more feet pics. These are my feet on the day of chemo.  This is the after effects of my last round of chemo where my feet were literally on fire...I'm a little nervous for them to be this bad and starting chemo again - with my blood counts dropping, especially my white blood cells I'm worried my feet aren't going to heal and then they will get worse with this round...I'm praying for them to heal quickly.  Dr. Litton did drop my oral chemo dose for the second time - so hopefully my feet won't get too bad this time.  I'm currently on day 8  and everything starts falling apart on day 10.

Ouch!

More ouch!

Most of my stubble has fallen out now which I'm so thankful for. (wait...what??? Did I really just say that???)  For some reason as you lose your hair with chemo, something crazy happens with your scalp - it hurts so bad.  It feels like pins and needles in every single follicle on your head.  It hurts to touch it, not touch it, lay/sleep on it, wash it....everything. Once the hair falls out it doesn't hurt anymore.  I'm stuck with some lingering hairs that feel really course and yucky.  If I don't loose them soon I think I might have someone take the bic to it so I can fully have a Kojak head.  It really bugs me.  I'm learning to deal with the staring but not fast enough...I think my go to has become to not look at people anymore, which is sad because I like to smile and say hi and be friendly.  I want to make a shirt that says "Take a picture, it will last longer!" I don't know why it is bugging me right now so much, but it is.  Today we went to a restaurant and this lady stared at me as I walked to our table.  She was still staring as we sat down and I looked over at her again.  I hope this irritation will go away - it's not me...I'll have to figure out how to not let this bother me...it messes with my mojo.

I thought this was funny, but I don't blame my Oncologist because he's my favorite.  I just blame everything on cancer and chemo....after all they deserve the blame.

Friday was lake day - it's always so much fun.  I wish we had a boat so I could take the kids out more! 

Maddie and Kevin

Soaking up the AZ sun!

Chillin'

Courtney and Dylan 

Maddie and Kamilla

My Bubba

What's a lake trip without dogs?

Saturday June 18th we went with my niece to go through the Temple in preparation for her leaving on her mission to Hawaii...it was an awesome day!

This young lady is going to be a great missionary!  I love her so much!

Later this afternoon we wound up in Urgent Care and then to the Emergency room for Robyn.  She had huge lymphnodes that popped up overnight on the left side of her neck that were super painful.  After a bazillion hours in the ED and a CT scan the results were.....are you ready?..... A muscle spasm.  WHAT???  I'm no doctor but there was no way this was a muscle issue.  We asked if it could be infection or an abscess and he said no and sent us on our way.  We both were like...there is no way this is a muscle problem.  Seriously....

One thrilled mama....NOT!

Just visiting this time...You can see my left over rogue hairs here.

Sunday the 19th...well this happened to be a record breaking heat wave in AZ.  I'm so glad I could be here to witness this blessed event....NOT!!  OMG - it was so hot you could barely even breathe outside.  We decided the heat was for the javalenas, so we escaped to Laguna Beach that night!

Yes...that's right - 120 degrees!!  UGH!!!!

The beach is my oasis.  I crave it and long to be near the ocean at all times.  There is something so calming and rejuvenating at the same time.  It is my happy place.  I'm so glad we could take a couple of days to spend at the ocean.  So many memories and thoughts crossed my mind as I walked along the shore.  I couldn't help but wonder if this might be my last time at the beach so I soaked every moment in.  I hope I have many more adventures at the beach.  I have a trip to Hawaii or Costa Rica or somewhere similar to take all my kids to on my bucket list.  We have never been able to afford something like this - it's a once in a lifetime thing for my little family.  We have taken many little road trips to places that aren't too far from home while they were growing up. I hope I can save enough money to get them all there with me before I'm on too harsh of chemo that I won't feel good enough to go.  I wish I didn't have to think about things like that, but unfortunately my time is limited and I want to make the most of my time while I still can.

Day one was awesome...Beach time, dinner at a yummy Italian restaurant and Finding Dory.

Lots of sunscreen and a huge umbrella so I didn't get sunburned.

Courtney and Maddie enjoying the water

Beautiful landscape

Goofballs!

I'm not sure if walking in the sand was good or not on my feet  - I sort of think the sand helped to exfoliate the dead crap waiting to come off.  It did feel good to soak my feet in the cold ocean.

Day 2 wasn't as awesome as we wanted it to be.  Robyn woke up with her whole neck totally swollen with huge lymphnodes everywhere. The swelling was starting to go up into her jaw and face.  We sent the girls to the pool and beach and we went to the local ED again - hoping and praying for a better doctor who could actually diagnose her correctly. We got there at 1000 and finally left at 3:15.  The did a CT scan again to make sure it wasn't an abscess - which it wasn't.  They felt like it was an infection in her lymphnodes even though she didn't have any other source of pain/infection - no sore throat, no sinus issues, nothing.  So, it is weird and we aren't sure what caused it, but they gave her IV antibiotics, and pain meds.  When we were finally released we went to the pharmacy to fill the RX's and they hadn't written in the date so the pharmacy wouldn't fill them.  We had to go all the way back to the hospital so the doctor could write the date in and then back to the pharmacy...this added an extra hour.  We didn't get home until about 4:30 and Robyn felt lousy.  I felt so dang bad for her!!

Obviously not thrilled about being back at the hospital.  The nurses were great and I feel like the doctor was good...it just took way longer than it should have.

Day three was much better even though we had to check out at 11:00.  We packed up early and headed down to the beach for the morning.  It was beautiful and not crowded.  We were able to see a pod of dolphins swimming along not too far from the shore. The only thing that would have been better would be for those dolphins to swim closer to shore so I could touch them, or swim with them.  Another thing on my bucket list.  I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was growing up so any interaction with marine life is something I love!

We come to the beach to unplug.  :)  haha

Watching the surfers

Our awesome hotel

SHARK!!!!!  Just kidding - it was the dolphins.  :)

My little buddy - I was not going to let not being able to breathe get in the way of my fun!!

After a fun and relaxing morning at the beach, we checked out and went to Dana Point to eat at Stacks Panckake House...it was delish!

Freshly squeezed orange juice, omelets and pancakes...yum!

Maddie ordered an Oreo Waffle

I think she ate it in about 30 seconds. haha

Build your own burger...lookin' good!!

We are such foodies...I'm sure I post more about food than anything else.  I just wish I could taste what I'm eating....I can't tell you how hard it is to not be able to taste yummy food, or have things like water taste like metal. This is one loss that has been sad, frustrating and depressing. I know I shouldn't feel like this about food, but I do...let's face it - I really like food. You would think that since I can't really taste food, I would lose a little weight...alas, not such luck.  Stupid chemo...

Speaking of chemo...we got back to AZ just in time to get another dose of the good stuff.  I still think it's weird that it looks like milk.  I had my labs drawn, then we went to lunch and back to Mayo for chemo.  We ate at Carlos O'Brien's - which I think is a weird name for a Mexican restaurant...Mexican/Irish name...but no worries, it was delish!

Taco, enchilada, rice and beans...For what I could taste - it seemed pretty good.

Good times at the Mayo clinic!  We have spent way too much time in hospitals this "vacation"

Abraxane...the new milk.

Got milk?

Living the dream!

We went home after and I took a nap then took Dylan and his buddies out for ice cream.  I just love this group of boys - they are good kids.  We were missing Andrew and Cam.

"The Squad"

Enjoying Coldstone in only 103 degrees tonight. 

I definitely have so many things to be grateful for. It was only a few weeks ago I could barely leave the house not being able to breathe and not being able to expend very much energy.  I was pretty much almost housebound.  I feel like this Abraxane, no matter how much I didn't want to start IV chemo, has really helped to start getting the disease in my lungs under control.  My breathing is so much easier, my cough is practically gone and I can get out and do more things.  I still struggle when I have to walk a lot - but it is much better than it was.  I have to admit I really took breathing for granted.  It's something we do daily without much or no thought.  You don't know what you have until you become compromised.  I thank God every day that my lungs continue to try to work and I can breath easier - even if it is with oxygen. I'm so blessed that there is oxygen in tanks so I can breathe! I'm so thankful I was able I was "healthy" enough to come on this trip and that my sister took us in.  It makes travelling on limited income doable.  I'm thankful that I have good doctors that try to make my quality of life as good as it can be right now. I love life and I know that I'm blessed with wonderful friends and family that put up with me.  You don't know how much your prayers, well wishes, words of love and kindness help me get through each day.  I know I can be grumpy sometimes and don't always have the best attitude, but I will keep on trying to be better and to fight this beast!

My new mantra...the world needs more love - more about this later.

So true...

No "words of wisdom" this week...no difficult words to try to process/come up with a witty comeback which was nice.  Just lots of staring...If you run across someone struggling physical;y or by their outward appearance, please do not stare at them.  It's hard enough dealing with what they are struggling with on a daily basis.  Staring is just a huge reminder that they don't look/feel like they fit in with everyone else.

I've had lots of little victories these past two weeks -the biggest one - being able to to get out of the house long enough to have a little vacation!

Have a great week everyone - remember not to take little things for granted!

Be brave, my heart. Have courage, my soul.

Tiffany